Telling Your Spouse
If your marriage has deteriorated to the point that you've decided you want a divorce, chances are that your spouse probably has an idea that something is coming. If you plan to retain an attorney, it's best to do so before you advise your spouse that you plan to file first.
A friendly letter from your attorney advising your spouse that you have filed a for divorce, how you both wish the process to remain amicable, and advising him or her that they may want to also seek legal representation will go a long way towards setting a calm and non-confrontational tone for the legal process.
While there are advantages and disadvantages to every possible scenario, ask yourself whether your spouse would accept the news more easily in a public place or in the privacy of your own home. If you feel that you or the children might be in physical danger upon breaking the news, you may want to obtain a civil order of protection and have him or her removed from the home ahead of time.
Unfortunately, how your spouse handles the news is not always predictable or positive. If the subject of divorce hasn't come up before, the announcement that you're leaving may take him or her totally by surprise – even if the two of you haven't gotten along in years.
Upon hearing the news, some spouses lash back, others react with silence, and other leave the house to think. Many want an explanation, and others still respond vindictively. An angry spouse is the wild card. In many cases, controlling threats are made and the most common are:
- "I'll go to jail before I pay you a dime." The courts have developed various tools to ensure that support payments are made. If someone really does not want to pay what is ordered, it is true that a court can place him or her in jail on a charge of contempt. It usually doesn't go that far because most people pay their obligations voluntarily long before it gets to spending time in jail.
- "You'll never see the children again." Massachusetts law encourages frequent and ongoing contact with both parents. Additionally, courts often change custody of the child if the parent intentionally denies the other parent contact with the child, or attempts to alienate the child from the other parent. If a parent attempts to remove the child from Massachusetts – just to deny the other parent time with the child – the court would deny such request, or allow custody to be modified to allow for the other parent to have significant vacation time.
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"I will drag this case on forever – I'd rather pay my attorney than pay you." It is true that many spouses threaten to continue fighting and dragging out the case in the hope that you will give up or run out of resources to continue. Our attorneys know how to push the case forward to trial, motion the court for sanctions based on your spouse's delay, and seek payment of your attorney's fees for unreasonable stall tactics.
Divorcing a Controlling or Manipulative Spouse?
The family law attorneys at The Massachusetts Law Group level the playing field for our clients. Even the most controlling of spouses have little impact on the way we practice law. If you have had issues in your marriage relating to abuse, mistreatment, infidelity, or a spouse who has been deceitful, manipulative, vindictive, or controlling, we stand up for you in a way that you may not be able to.
Even if your matter appears uncontested, you should at least consult with one of our attorneys. Our lawyers have the pleasure of speaking with potential new clients almost every day. We often visit with potential clients who have already received an offer to settle their case from other lawyers. We have never encouraged a client to accept an initial offer "as is" - usually because these proposed agreements are one-sided and not in the favor of the prospective client.
Each attorney at our firm has the ability to be as aggressive as we need to be to represent your interests. We're aggressive, but we also have common sense by approaching the resolution road first. We are not likely to note the depositions of a dozen of your spouse's closest business associates on the same day that you retain us. If you'd like us to do so, that's fine, but you must understand that it will cost quite a bit more to conclude your matter. We feel our clients are best off by having us contact opposing counsel first to see if they're willing to talk about resolution first. If they want to make the case difficult, we have the tools and experience necessary to deal with it appropriately and, yes, aggressively.
To schedule a free, no-obligation consultation, call (800) 763-1030, or e-mail us.
