Obtaining a divorce is complicated enough, and when you have kids, it's even more difficult. If those kids have special needs, the challenges rise to an entirely different level. Children with disabilities can be deeply affected by the breakup of their parents' marriage. It's important for parents - whichever one has residential custody - to work together to minimize the damage.
Visitation and the Special Needs Child
For example, a parenting plan or visitation schedule may not work for a child with developmental or emotional issues. For example, the matter of overnight stays with the other parent may be something to look at. Children with special needs often find it difficult to deal with change. They may be unable to understand that they will see the other parent again. The familiar, even at an older age, is usually more important to this child than it would be to a typical child without disabilities. The parenting plan must take this into account.
It is never good to put a child in the middle of parental tension and arguments. However, it is particularly bad to do this with a child who may not fully understand what is happening. Parents who play games with each other, using the child as a pawn, may be doing untold damage to the child's sense of security and well-being. If this type of behavior is noticed by the court, the judge may order a counsellor to help the parents learn to put aside their personal disagreements and focus on the needs of the child.
Medical Treatment and the Special Needs Child
Then there are issues when both parents don't agree on or follow the care regimen to the same degree. This can be a significant source of tension, with one parent believing that the other is hurting the child by being too relaxed or with the other thinking that Mom or Dad is practicing medicine without a license. Parents have to prioritize and make sure they can agree on the most important medical issues and maybe give a little on optional matters.
Child Support May Go Beyond the Standard Guidelines
In addition to dealing with your ex about child custody and visitation issues, child support will probably be an issue. The court go beyond the standard child support guidelines and order that child support also include things like physical, occupational and speech therapy, special schools, tutoring and medication. The payor parent may be required to provide support into the child's adulthood.
Most Important, Help Your Child Understand
In addition to dealing with your ex, you will need to help your child understand how things have changed. Tips from parents who have been there include things like using pictures to explain the situation. Use a special calendar to highlight the days that he or she will spend with the other parent. Encourage daily communication whenever possible with the other parent. Explore technologies such as speed dial that might make it possible for a child to contact the other parent without assistance from you. Make sure that your ex is always present for birthdays and holidays.
